Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
