i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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