I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
