whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize