Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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