I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
