Can Purell be used as lube?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
