Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
