I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
