now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize