I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
