going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
