What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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