My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
