My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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