How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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