C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
