This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
