She's JV to your varsity
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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