my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize