I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Is Oprah even human
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
