Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
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