You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
