i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize