she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
