Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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