Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
