I haven't been this sober since birth.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
