hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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