My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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