I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
