I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
MIDGETS
????
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
