what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
