Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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