i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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