if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
