I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They have beer where we have blood.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
