i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
