finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
