we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
