Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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