Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize