dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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