put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
