well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
