I am spending my child support on dildos
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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