I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
