Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
