if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
