1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
