Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
