if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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