there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
