Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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