dude i'm inner monologue high
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
