and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
