Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
