I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize