I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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