Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
