You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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