I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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