I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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