Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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