I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
