Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
