So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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