im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
