Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
