I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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