oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we made out on top of his cat.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
