I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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