its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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