On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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